how to talk to anyone


Summary of “How to Talk to Anyone” by Leil Lowndes:

In her book “How to Talk to Anyone,” Leil Lowndes presents 92 techniques aimed at helping individuals achieve mastery in the art of communication, enabling success in both personal and professional spheres. Published in 2013 and spanning 256 pages, this comprehensive guide offers practical strategies for enhancing relationships.

Full title: How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

how to talk to anyone book

Summary of How to Talk to Anyone


Leil Lowndes emphasizes the swift nature of forming initial impressions when meeting someone. Drawing parallels with caricaturists, who swiftly capture a person’s essence, Lowndes underscores the significance of external appearance in communicating one’s true self. The following nine techniques are designed to project intelligence, passion, and charisma.


1. The flooding smile

A genuine smile is a universally recommended communication tool that holds the power to win people over. Lowndes advises against rushing a smile, as credibility may be lost. The key lies in pausing, absorbing the person’s presence, and then delivering a sincere smile.


2. Sticky eyes

Maintaining eye contact while conversing not only fosters likability but also enhances the perception of intelligence. Different sensitivities exist between genders, with intense gazes affecting men more profoundly.


3. Epoxy eyes

Eyes can be used to convey interest and attraction effectively. Focusing on the person not speaking sends a strong signal of engagement. Research indicates that intense eye contact can evoke heightened heart rate and excitement.


4. Hang by your teeth

Confidence is reflected in posture. Lowndes recommends visualizing a door frame with a leather bit positioned above the head to encourage an upright posture. Consistent practice can transform this posture into a habitual display of confidence.


5. The big-baby pivot

When you meet someone, pay attention to them like you would to a young child. Look at them, smile warmly, and show that you’re interested in what they’re saying. This makes the person feel important, regardless of their age.


6. Hello old friend

In a way, treat a stranger as if they were an old friend you’re happy to see again. This is powerful because it syncs your body language with friendly thoughts. You don’t even need to talk; simply imagining it can make the other person see you as friendly. In fact, acting like you like someone can actually make you genuinely like them over time. This is like a kind of self-fulfilling prediction.


7. Limit the fidget

Gestures reflect inner thoughts. Fidgeting can imply discomfort or lack of confidence, best avoided in important interactions.


8. Han’s horse sense

Do you know the story of Hans, the smart horse? Hans could solve math problems by tapping his hoof. It turned out he paid attention to how the audience reacted. You can be like Hans by paying attention to how people behave without speaking. Are they bored? In a hurry? Do they believe what you’re saying? Adjust your behavior based on this.


Observational skills akin to Hans the intelligent horse are encouraged. Attentiveness to non-verbal cues helps tailor behavior appropriately.


9. Watch the scene before you make the scene

Visualization is proposed as a method for practicing charismatic behavior, preparing the mind to exude charisma naturally.


Guide to Conversing with Anyone Manual



Lowndes introduces techniques for engaging in small talk effectively.


  1. The mood match

Before you begin talking, try to understand how the other person is feeling. If they’re very energetic, match their excitement. If they appear sad, use a more relaxed tone. 


People who are comfortable in social settings can adjust to the situation. If you don’t do this, the person might not feel comfortable enough to talk openly with you.


  1. Prosaic with passion

Do you ever think you lack interesting things to say when starting a conversation? It’s not a problem. In fact, you can talk about any topic. Sometimes, how you say something matters more than the actual content.


Remember two key things:


Don’t dismiss common conversation topics. Instead, discuss them with enthusiasm and energy.

There’s one exception to the “talk about anything” rule: avoid complaining or being negative.


  1. Always wear a Whatzit

Carrying a noticeable and unique item (a Whatzit) provides others with a chance to inquire about it. For instance, if you wear socks of different colors, it piques people’s curiosity and encourages them to initiate a conversation. Without this distinctive feature, they might not have approached you at all.


  1. Whoozat?

Here’s another easy trick that many people don’t use much. You can ask the person who’s hosting the party to introduce you to someone you want to meet. Usually, the host will be happy to help. If they’re busy and can’t introduce you, they might still be able to tell you some things about the person you’re interested in.


  1. Eavesdrop in

Don’t worry about quietly listening to others talking and then joining in with something like: “Sorry, I heard you talking about something I’m curious about. Can I join your conversation?” People in the group might be surprised, but they’ll understand and be okay with it.


  1. Never the naked city

If you want people to find you interesting, you should talk more than just the basic stuff. For instance, when someone asks where you’re from, don’t just say the name of the place. Add more details, especially if it matches the person you’re talking to. Otherwise, it might be hard to find things to talk about.


For example, if you’re from Manchester and you’re talking to someone who loves music, you could mention musicians from Manchester and ask if they know them. But if the person isn’t into music (maybe they like soccer), you’d need to find something else to talk about.


  1. Never the naked job

People often ask, “What’s your job?” Similar to when they ask where you’re from, you should answer in a way that starts a conversation. Talk about your job and find something in it that the other person might relate to. Most of us don’t know a lot about others’ jobs, but we can show interest if we find something in common.


  1. Never the naked introduction

Always add more when introducing people. Instead of just saying, “Deborah, meet Julian. Julian, this is Deborah,” give some details about each person to help them connect better.


  1. Be a word detective

Pay attention to the words someone uses. These words show what they like to talk about. For instance, if they talk about sports a lot, you can be sure that talking about sports will go well in a conversation with them.


  1. The swivelling spotlight

Do you want someone to find you interesting? Then shift your focus onto the other person. If done well, they won’t even realize you haven’t talked much about yourself.


  1. Parroting

When it’s your time to talk, and you’re not sure what to say, simply repeat what the other person just said. For example: “I watched a movie on Saturday night. – A movie? – Yeah, it was the first showing of Christopher Nolan’s new film. – Christopher Nolan? – Exactly, you know…” This technique is also used in sales to learn about what potential customers want.


  1. Encore!

When two people meet for the first time and you want them to start talking, you can use the “Encore” trick. It involves asking one of them to share a story they’re proud of by saying something like, “Tell them about the day you…” This shines a spotlight on the person and kickstarts an interesting conversation.


  1. Ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-it-ive


When meeting someone new, avoid discussing your weaknesses or past mistakes. While showing vulnerability can help build a relationship, it might not be the best strategy right at the beginning. Instead, focus on the positive aspects.


  1. The latest news… Don’t leave home without it

Here’s an interesting story: Sydney Biddle Barrow, a well-known owner of a successful escort agency, shared in an interview that her ‘girls’ spent 60% of their time making conversation and 40% fulfilling other needs. To enhance the “client experience,” she advised them to stay informed about current events to engage in meaningful conversations. The result? Her business and customer satisfaction both soared. You can also read the news before attending an event.


Mastering the Art of Talking to Anyone




  1. What do you do – NOT

Avoid the common question “So, what do you do for a living?” There are several reasons why the other person might not react well to this question:

They might not feel proud of their job or prefer not to discuss it.

You could come across as self-centered or arrogant.

Instead, try asking: “How do you usually spend your time?”


  1. The nutshell resume

When someone asks about your job, don’t just give your job title; explain what you contribute to society. For instance, rather than saying “I’m a hairdresser,” you could say “I help women find the perfect hairstyle that suits their face.” Presenting your work this way makes you more interesting and memorable.


  1. Your personal thesaurus

A simple way to sound intelligent is to use a wide range of words. You don’t need to memorize a whole dictionary—around fifty new words can make a significant difference.


Create a list of words you frequently use and find synonyms for them. Then try incorporating these new words into your conversations. You’ll notice the impact it has.


  1. Kill the quick “me too!”

When you find a shared interest with the person you’re talking to, don’t immediately say “Me too!” Instead, let them finish speaking, then express that you also have the same interest. This approach demonstrates your listening skills and self-assurance.


  1. Comm-YOU-nication

Want to catch the other person’s attention? Begin your sentence with “you.” For instance, instead of saying “Your dress is lovely,” say “You look lovely in that dress.” Using “you” in this way shows that you’re focusing on the person you’re speaking to.


  1. The exclusive smile

A friendly smile is a powerful tool. It becomes even more effective when tailored to your audience. Customize your smile to fit the person you’re interacting with. If needed, make it a special smile for that individual. Just be cautious not to turn it into a mechanical smile, as that could diminish its sincerity.


  1. Don’t touch a cliché with a 10-foot pole

When delving into a deeper conversation, steer clear of relying on overused ideas or clichés. Instead, strive to share genuinely thoughtful and personal insights.


  1. Use jawsmith’s jive

To become a funny and unforgettable person, focus on how you express yourself. Rather than using common phrases, invent your own comparisons. For instance, instead of saying “Happy as Larry,” try “Happy as a Swiss banker.” It’s more surprising and distinctive.


  1. Call a spade a spade

Don’t overly sugarcoat your words. Express your thoughts straightforwardly and without unnecessary embellishments. It’s not about being impolite, but about speaking candidly and confidently. This demonstrates your self-assuredness.


  1. Trash the teasing

Making fun of someone at their expense shows a lack of depth. In general, the people on the receiving end will remember such behavior for a long time.


  1. It’s the receiver’s ball

Back in ancient Egypt, if a messenger delivered bad news, the Pharaoh could be ruthless – often resulting in beheadings. While modern consequences aren’t so dire, conveying bad news can still be tough.

To avoid becoming the target of everyone’s wrath, try stepping into the shoes of the person you’re delivering the news to. If the message is sad, convey it with a somber tone. If it’s good news, express your enthusiasm.


  1. The broken record

When someone persistently asks you a tough question and keeps probing for more after your initial response, utilize the broken record technique. Repeat your original answer with the same tone. Usually, the other person will pick up on your reluctance to discuss the topic further.


  1. Big shots don’t slobber

Imagine you just met your beloved celebrity on the street. What’s the right move? Generally, it’s best to respect their privacy and refrain from any interaction.


Yet, if you’re truly eager to engage with them, share your perspective rather than passing judgment on their work. For instance, avoid saying “Your recent movie was great.” Instead, opt for “I genuinely enjoyed watching your latest film.” Also, emphasize their latest accomplishments rather than their past achievements. Compliments about their present endeavors are usually more appreciated.


  1. Never the naked thank you

To conclude a conversation on a positive note, avoid simply saying “Thank you.” It’s a bit lacking. Add some context to your gratitude. Thank you for:


Waiting for me

Your trust

The delightful meal.


The Ultimate Handbook on Communicating with Anyone



You might have been in situations where you felt out of place in a conversation: the topic is unfamiliar, your background differs, qualifications don’t match… Regardless of the reasons, you’ll now discover how to engage in conversations with anyone.


  1. Scramble therapy

You don’t have to be an expert to discuss a subject. Often, having a basic understanding of a topic can give you around 80% of the necessary knowledge. For instance, if you’ve tried scuba diving once, you know enough to have a conversation about it.

Challenge yourself to try something new every month. This way, your range of conversational topics will expand rapidly.


  1. Learn a little Gobbledygook

Just as with hobbies, understanding professional jargon is valuable. With a grasp of the basics in a certain field, you can ask informed questions and comprehend technical aspects. If you’re meeting people from a different professional background, consider reaching out to someone familiar with that area for guidance. This way, you can gain insights into that specific job.


  1. Baring their hot button

Every profession has particular topics that enthusiasts deeply understand. If you’re aiming to stand out in a gathering where most attendees are experts, find the subjects that ignite their passion. Seek out individuals who are knowledgeable to provide you with an overview of recent developments and key concerns in that field.


  1. Read their rags

Are you meeting someone who’s passionate about rock climbing? Your best approach is to immerse yourself in magazines, blogs, and online forums dedicated to the subject. Regardless of the other person’s interest, there are resources available to help you gain insights.


  1. Clear ‘custom’

When traveling to a foreign country, it’s essential to familiarize yourself with their traditions and taboos. Gestures that may seem innocuous to you could be greatly offensive in another culture.


  1. Bluffing for bargains

In negotiations with a supplier, pretending to be well-versed in the industry can be a useful tactic. Learn the lingo, connect with multiple providers, understand their processes, and then you’ll be better equipped to negotiate effectively.



Research indicates that people are naturally drawn to those who share their values. Even more significant, knowing that someone shares your values can predispose you to liking them, even before you’ve truly gotten to know them. In this section of the book, we’ll explore ways to create a sense of similarity with others to establish more positive and productive relationships.


  1. Be a copycat

People from various cultures and backgrounds may not act in the same way. To enhance your communication skills, practice observing and adapting to the other person’s demeanor. People tend to feel more comfortable around those who share similar behavior codes.


  1. Echoing

Isn’t it a delightful experience when you feel in sync with someone else? To achieve this, a helpful technique is to match your vocabulary to that of the other person. For instance, if they discuss their profession, one might mention “my job,” while another might say “my occupation.” This principle is just as effective in personal interactions as it is in professional ones. Pay heed to the words your conversation partner uses and echo them.


  1. Potent imaging

Depending on who you’re conversing with and their interests, employ comparisons that resonate with them. For instance, if you’re engaging a client who enjoys sailing, propose a strategy that helps their company “navigate smoothly” or “stay on course.” This approach not only makes sense to them but also imparts a sense of shared interests.


  1. Employ empathizers

While someone is speaking, we often use small sounds of agreement like “uh huh” to show we’re listening. While this is effective, using complete sentences to convey understanding goes a step further. Saying phrases like “I understand your point” or “Yes, that’s a valid perspective” demonstrates genuine attentiveness.


  1. Anatomically correct empathizers

Pay attention to the words your conversation partner uses and how they express themselves. Do their phrases align with a:


Visual style – “I can visualize what you mean.”

Sensitive approach – “I sense that this is troubling you.”

Auditory manner – “I hear what you’re saying.”

In your responses, use phrasing that mirrors their communication style.


  1. The premature ‘we’

There are 4 stages in a conversation that show how intimate two people are:


Clichés: Unacquainted individuals exchange pleasantries like commenting on the weather.

Facts: Those who know each other, but not intimately, converse in factual terms (“This year’s weather has been exceptional compared to last year.”).

Feelings and Personal Questions: Friends share their emotions and experiences (“I adore this weather! Are you someone who enjoys the sun?”).

Transitioning to “We”: Close friends use “we” instead of “I” (“If this weather holds up, it’ll be great for us. We can go swimming together.”).

The technique involves moving directly to stages 3 and 4 when meeting someone new, using the same verbal cues as close friends.


  1. Instant history

To strengthen a connection with someone you’ve met before, reminisce about positive memories you both shared during your initial meeting. Then, transform these memories into references that can be integrated into your ongoing interactions.


Conversational Skills Mastery: A Comprehensive Guide



Complimenting others is a delicate art. It’s an excellent way to establish a connection, but it can also be mistaken for insincerity or flattery. In this section, you’ll learn nine subtle ways to offer compliments.


  1. Grapevine glory

Rather than directly complimenting someone to their face, use the grapevine effect. If you wish to praise someone, share positive comments about them with people close to them. Chances are, the message will find its way back to the person you want to compliment.


  1. Carrier pigeon kudos

People often gossip, but why not use that tendency to spread positivity? When you hear something commendable about another person, relay it to them. This act will not only please them but also strengthen your rapport.


  1. Implied magnificence

Implying something positive about the person you’re speaking to can be very effective. It carries the same impact as a direct compliment. For instance, instead of saying, “You look fantastic,” try something like, “How’s your day been?” – Pausing to observe – “Clearly, you’re doing wonderfully.”


  1. Accidental adulation

A clever technique involves complimenting someone in a way that seems accidental. For example, tell a friend, “Since you know so much about wine, you probably wouldn’t have picked this bottle, but I randomly chose it.” It’s a straightforward yet powerful approach.


  1. The killer compliment

An ultimate compliment is distinguished by its uniqueness or specificity. Let me clarify. Saying someone is nice lacks specificity. Praising someone’s shirt choice isn’t personalized enough. That’s why you need to identify the person’s distinctive quality and acknowledge it.


Two rules must be followed: give the compliment privately (to avoid awkwardness) and make it believable. If you praise someone’s singing voice when they aren’t a good singer, it won’t resonate.


  1. Little strokes

When someone does something praiseworthy, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it with small compliments like “Good job!” “Well played!” or “Not bad at all!”

The benefit is that it will please them without making you seem insincere.


  1. The knee-jerk “Wowl”

Mastering the art of giving compliments also involves knowing when to deliver them. Timing matters – it can backfire if it’s too early or too late. When someone accomplishes something, express your thoughts immediately. Don’t wait until days later.


  1. Boomeranging

Responding to compliments is crucial. AVOID SAYING: “Oh, it’s nothing”; “Thank you (timidly and softly)”; “Oh, I don’t really like it”;


Instead, use the compliment echo technique. Send the compliment back to the person who gave it. For example: “You’ve done an excellent job on this project.” – “Oh, that’s very kind of you to say. I appreciate your positive feedback.”


If you’re unsure what to say, use this go-to response: “That’s very kind of you.”


  1. The tombstone game


If you’re close to someone, ask them what they’d want written on their tombstone. Why this unconventional question? The answer reveals how they wish to be remembered. Sample epitaphs might be:

Here lies Hugh D. He was a genius.

Here lies Justine L., who spread joy everywhere she went.

Once you have their answer, hold onto it and use it to compliment them in a way that aligns with how they want to be perceived. Your compliment will strike a chord with them.



Telephone conversations differ from face-to-face interactions in many aspects. In this section, you’ll learn subtle nuances that can help you establish positive connections even when communicating from a distance.


  1. Talking gestures

When you’re on the phone, it’s challenging to convey your energy and genuine self without the advantage of body language. In contrast to in-person conversations, your voice must paint the picture. If you’re surprised, say “No way!” Instead of a smile, express “Now that’s funny.”

Exaggerate your vocal expressions to compensate for the absence of physical cues.


  1. Name shower

Eyes often build connections in face-to-face conversations. In remote interactions, a clever substitute for eye contact is using the other person’s first name. Don’t hesitate to include their name while on a phone call.


  1. Oh wow, it’s you!

Here’s a two-step method to answer phone calls, whether from familiar individuals or strangers. Are you ready? Begin by professionally and warmly greeting the caller without letting your smile come through your voice just yet. Once they introduce themselves, follow with this: “Oh, it’s you!” and infuse your voice with increased energy.


This conveys that you’re always delighted to hear from them.


  1. The sneaky screen

For receptionists handling numerous calls, a more refined approach is preferable to cold and intimidating inquiries like “Who’s calling? Which company? What’s the matter?” Here’s an elegant way: “Of course, I’ll connect you promptly. May I ask who’s calling? …Thank you, just a moment… I apologize, but Mr./Ms. X is currently at lunch. Would you like to leave a message?” This response avoids making the caller feel personally rejected. It’s a subtler alternative to saying “Unfortunately, so-and-so isn’t available for your call today.”


  1. Salute the spouse

When encountering receptionists repeatedly while attempting to reach your intended contact, take the opportunity to get to know the person on the other end. Remember, they’re a human being with their own name, emotions, and life. Sometimes, they wield as much, if not more, influence than your target. Don’t underestimate that fact.


  1. What color is your time?

Reaching out at the wrong moment diminishes your chances of achieving your goal. Always check if the person is available when you call. “Hi Charles, do you have a minute?” If the answer is no, don’t push. Persistence isn’t helpful.


  1. Constantly changing outgoing message

Desiring to present a professional and serious image? Maintain a neutral, concise, and pleasant voicemail greeting. No need for extravagance or originality. An added tip: refresh your message regularly to reflect your current circumstances.


  1. Your 10-second audition

Imagine the roles reversed—now you’re leaving a voicemail. Your objective? Prompt the recipient to return your call swiftly. To achieve this, adhere to three rules:


Speak clearly, energetically, and confidently.

Keep it concise—no more than 10 seconds.

Sell your message. Go beyond “Hi, it’s Michael, call me back.” Try: “Hi Andrew, I’ve got exciting news to share about our project.”


68. The ho-hum caper

When encountering gatekeepers, act like communicating with your intended recipient is a routine. For instance: “Is she available in her office?” By using the familiar “she,” you imply a longstanding connection with the boss.


69. ‘I hear your other line’

If you detect background noise during a call, demonstrate your consideration for it. For example, if a baby’s crying can be heard, suggest calling back later to allow them to tend to the child. This conveys attentiveness, which is always valued.


70. Instant replay

Getting better at something often comes from getting advice and comments about that particular thing. The same applies to phone conversations. Record your talks and replay them multiple times—you’ll identify subtle nuances you might have missed. Additionally, it assists in deciphering underlying messages, which can be challenging in the heat of the moment.

The Complete Guide to Connecting with Anyone


In this section, you’ll discover valuable strategies to make the most of networking events.


  1. Munching or mingling

To attract conversations at a social event, avoid eating during the gathering. It’s better to have your meal before you arrive. This has two advantages:

Talking with your mouth full is awkward and makes socializing harder.

Others might hesitate to approach you if you’re eating, fearing they might interrupt.


  1. Rubberneck the room

Upon entering a room, take a moment to observe your surroundings, much like a lion scanning the savannah from a vantage point. The goal isn’t to draw attention but to understand the environment: Who’s interacting with whom? What’s the vibe? Where are the key figures?


  1. Be the chooser, not the choosee

Develop the habit of approaching people rather than waiting for them to come to you. This skill can be valuable, whether you’re making new friends or seeking potential partners. Being prepared to start conversations can be crucial.


  1. Come-hither hands

Your body language can either attract or repel people. Make sure you’re sending the right signals. For instance, an open posture is inviting—let your arms hang naturally, smile warmly, and stand confidently.


  1. Tracking

To make a lasting impression, show that you pay attention to the small details. You don’t need to memorize everything about someone, but remembering a few specifics, like their first name, can go a long way. Don’t hesitate to take notes on people and refer to them later, demonstrating your genuine interest in their lives.


  1. The business card dossier

Here’s a twist on the previous tip: After conversing with a new acquaintance, find a private spot and jot down a specific detail about them on the back of their business card. When you encounter them again, refer to that detail to show your attentiveness.


  1. Eyeball selling

Practice reading non-verbal cues from others and adjust your communication accordingly. Avoid getting too wrapped up in your own words; instead, pay attention to their reactions. Being attuned to their non-verbal signals can enhance your communication.


Secrets of Effective Communication with Anyone



The final section of the book delves into advanced communication techniques to help you ascend the ladder of success.


  1. See no bloopers, hear no bloopers

Learn to disregard minor mishaps you might witness. For instance, if someone spills a glass of water during a meeting, continue as if nothing happened. This shows your composure and ability to focus on what truly matters.


  1. Lend a helping tongue

Imagine being in a situation where a noisy entrance disrupts a speaker’s presentation. People’s focus shifts, and the speaker’s challenge is to regain attention. In such cases, when the commotion subsides, gently steer the conversation back to the speaker’s topic by asking, “So, what happened next, when…?” This gesture helps the speaker regain control.


  1. Bare the buried WIIFM

When asking someone for a significant favor, be transparent about your motivations. Don’t downplay the importance of the request. While it’s good to highlight the benefits for the other person, honesty about your intentions fosters trust.


  1. Let ‘em savor the favor

When someone agrees to do you a favor, give them space. Wait a few hours before they actually perform the favor. Being patient is important to avoid appearing too eager.


  1. Tit for (wait…wait) tat

If someone owes you a favor in return for a previous kindness, avoid rushing them to repay it immediately. For instance, if you assisted them in finding a job, don’t ask for a favor right after. Rushing can make it seem like you’re emphasizing a transaction rather than a genuine exchange of goodwill.


  1. Parties are for pratter

Be mindful of the setting for conversations. Festive occasions are not the right time for confrontations or serious discussions. Skilled communicators know when to postpone conflict for a more appropriate moment.


  1. Dinner’s for dining

As you climb the ladder of success, remember that mealtimes are sacred moments. These times are for discussions of various matters, but they shouldn’t involve criticism or contentious topics. Reserve specific meetings for those kinds of discussions.


  1. Chance encounters are for chitchat

Avoid discussing business matters during chance encounters, like bumping into a business associate at a grocery store. These casual moments are not suitable for work-related discussions. It’s essential to pick the appropriate time and place for such conversations.


  1. Empty their tanks

When seeking information from someone, give them the opportunity to share their thoughts first. It’s important not to cut them off when they’re eager to express themselves. Learning to be patient and then contributing to the conversation is a valuable skill.


  1. Echo the EMO


When faced with someone’s anger, it’s essential not to react in an escalating manner. Instead, follow these steps:


Listen attentively.

Request clarification.

Express understanding of their emotions.

This approach helps to calm the person down effectively.


  1. My goof, your gain

If you make a blunder, the best way to recover is to ensure the person’s overall impression remains positive. For instance, if you accidentally break something at someone’s place, replacing it with a more valuable item can enhance their perception of you.


  1. Leave an escape hatch

When catching someone in a lie or an act of deceit, avoid direct confrontation. Instead, provide them an opportunity to save face. This approach demonstrates your understanding and subtly communicates that their behavior isn’t worth your focus.


  1. Buttercups for their boss

If you know an employee who is excelling and deserves recognition, consider sending a heartfelt message to their superiors. This not only acknowledges their good work but also positions you as a valued client. The employee will likely treat you with special attention during your future interactions.


  1. Lead the listeners


When attending a presentation, be the first to applaud the speaker. This showcases two key aspects of your personality:

Your familiarity with being in the spotlight.

Your willingness to take initiative.

Speakers tend to notice those who clap first and often develop a favorable view of them.


  1. The great scorecard in the sky

Imagine everyone has an invisible score above their head. In this game, the person with the lowest score should make an effort to stand out. If this dynamic is ignored, the relationship might not be meant to last.



“How to Talk to Anyone” is a great book about talking to people. It gives you tools to:


Make people like you even if they don’t know you.

Seem confident in any situation.

Have interesting conversations.

Be better on the phone and when talking from far away.

Do well at events where you meet new people.

Understand what you need to do to succeed.

There are 92 tricks in the book. Some will fit your situation and who you are. That alone makes the book really valuable.


For example, after reading it, I started using trick number 62. It’s about answering the phone normally and then getting excited when they say who they are. This was helpful when I was looking for jobs. I got many calls from unknown numbers. So I tried this trick and it worked well. It made a good impression on the phone. I haven’t seen this advice anywhere else.


That’s why I really suggest reading this book. It helps you do better when you talk to others right away. Even if you already read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, this book is still useful. Leil Lowndes explains not just what to do, but how to do it, which is really helpful.


People who read “How to talk to anyone” also love:

Never split the difference summary

Building a storybrand

Getting to yes summary

Crucial conversations summary

Exactly what to say – The magic words for influence and impact