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Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n By Devora Zack, 2011 (French edition), 2010 (Original American edition), 172 pages<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n According to a study called MBTI, half of the people are introverts, and the other half are extroverts. This means that half of the population doesn’t really enjoy going to networking events or spending long evenings talking with coworkers.<\/span><\/p>\n However, networking is important for everyone to make progress in their work and personal lives. Introverts, despite their dislike for networking, also need to build friendships and professional contacts. They might read books and seek advice to improve themselves, but they often struggle when meeting new people, and they usually feel disappointed after networking events.<\/span><\/p>\n In How to network “Networking for People Who Hate Networking,” Devora Zack explains that introverts fail at networking because they are given advice that doesn’t suit their personality. The advice is often aimed at extroverts, who are very different from introverts. It’s like serving introverts a dish they don’t like, such as quiche Lorraine with bacon, every day.<\/span><\/p>\n In How to network, Devora Zack challenges common misconceptions about networking and breaks down negative stereotypes about introverted behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n We often think that extroverts have the right approach to networking, but surprisingly, we learn that they can benefit from adopting some of the networking techniques used by introverts. The author encourages introverts to embrace their natural style when networking because what they see as weaknesses can actually be strengths in building strong and lasting connections.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack provides introverts with a method that includes advice, practical steps, and real-life examples from her own experience. This method helps introverts successfully network while staying true to their personality and going at their own pace.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack, a complete introvert who has always been naturally reserved and enjoyed solitude, didn’t particularly like social events. However, she managed to become an expert in networking. How did she do it? By studying introverted people for 15 years and by understanding herself. Her main focus was on building deep and genuine relationships, not just collecting a lot of shallow ones.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack created her own method for networking and now travels the world hosting conferences and seminars for her company, Only Connect Consulting.<\/span><\/p>\n The unfortunate thing about introverts is that they are often misunderstood. People may see them as weak and uninteresting because, from a young age, they tend to be less social, prefer solitary activities, and may not talk as much. Devora Zack dispels these misconceptions and explains that introverts actually have three main characteristics: they are reflective, focused, and self-reliant.<\/span><\/p>\n In the book “Networking for People Who Hate Networking,” there’s no intention to pit introverts against extroverts or claim that one style is better than the other. Instead, the goal is to encourage everyone to understand the unique aspects of their own style so they can communicate better with others and gain a deeper understanding of them.<\/span><\/p>\n To start off on the right foot and avoid unnecessary frustration with a colleague’s behavior, it’s important to remember two things:<\/span><\/p>\n To help with this understanding, Devora Zack suggests taking a simple test to determine where we fall on the spectrum between introvert and extrovert, or even somewhere in between (called centrovert). It’s a quick assessment with 12 straightforward questions.<\/span><\/p>\n This self-assessment provides an idea of our dominant personality profile. The book’s examples are likely to resonate more with those who are closer to the extreme ends of the spectrum.<\/span><\/p>\n I took the test, and here’s the result (drum roll, please)… I scored 32 out of a maximum of 36 points, making me almost a “queen of introversion.” This wasn’t a surprise to me, and it reinforced my decision to read “Networking for People Who Hate Networking.”<\/span><\/p>\n Appearances can be misleading! Sometimes, a quiet person can be outgoing, and someone who seems outgoing can be shy.<\/span><\/p>\n So, how can we tell if someone is an introvert or an extrovert? Well, it’s important to understand that they view concepts like respect, relationships, and relaxation differently.<\/span><\/p>\n In “Networking for People Who Hate Networking,” Devora Zack provides two helpful lessons to help us better understand this topic and let go of our preconceived ideas and stereotypes.<\/span><\/p>\n Here’s a quick question to ponder for a moment: “When you hear the word ‘introvert,’ what traits come to mind?” In her seminars, Devora often hears responses like “boring, slow, distant, not a team player…”<\/span><\/p>\n It seems that our common perception of introverts isn’t very positive, right? However, introverts who embrace their true nature instead of trying to change it have real strengths that can help them build high-quality relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n The key is understanding yourself well enough to make the right choices. The table below summarizes three principles and three techniques that introverts can use to develop strong connections.<\/span><\/p>\n The author highlights several strengths of introverts, including their ability to reflect, stay focused, observe details, decode non-verbal cues, and be self-reliant. However, introverts may also have weaknesses, like a strong need for privacy and feeling drained by excessive chatter. These traits can make them appear distant and potentially come across as cold to others.<\/span><\/p>\n What do introverts generally think about extroverts? Well, let me share a few stereotypes that I sometimes have about my outgoing colleagues when I’m a bit annoyed:<\/span><\/p>\n “They can be thoughtless, talk a lot, don’t really listen, want to control everything, and often dominate conversations at the expense of others!”<\/span><\/p>\n I know, it’s not a kind or accurate way to think about them. Stereotypes can be hard to change. Thankfully, I read “Networking for People Who Hate Networking” to improve my understanding!<\/span><\/p>\n Extroverts have their own unique style and strengths, too. They deserve recognition for their qualities:<\/span><\/p>\n However, extroverts also have their weaknesses:<\/span><\/p>\n They might come across as intrusive in conversations, especially regarding personal matters.<\/span><\/p>\n All these insights aim to help us learn more about each other, understand each other better, and interact more effectively by breaking down our preconceived notions.<\/span><\/p>\n Before heading to a networking event, it’s important to understand that introverts often feel anxious. They might secretly wish they could escape, go back home, and relax on their couch with a good book.<\/span><\/p>\n What’s happening in their minds? Well, internally, introverts tend to imagine the worst-case scenario:<\/span><\/p>\n “To network, I’ll have to chat, share about my life, and talk to strangers… Everything I dislike! I won’t know what to say; I’ll probably be on the sidelines; people might find me uninteresting; they’ll ignore me, and I’ll end up ruining my evening!”<\/span><\/p>\n It’s tough to enjoy networking with such negative thoughts! Luckily, there’s a trick to prevent this kind of self-criticism from ruining the night.<\/span><\/p>\n Have you ever noticed that sometimes when you put a new frame around a picture, it makes the painting look absolutely fantastic? Well, the same idea applies to our actions in life. We often carry around old, dusty thought patterns from our past experiences. But when we approach reality with a fresh perspective, it can change the way we interact with people and events.<\/span><\/p>\n Let’s give this experiment a try:<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of thinking, “Networking is just small talk,” try thinking, “Networking is a chance for me to build meaningful relationships with people I choose.”<\/span><\/p>\n Rather than believing, “I’ll have to share my life story with strangers,” consider, “I’ll take the time to ask questions and listen to people I find interesting.”<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of dreading, “An entire evening of non-stop chatter! I’m tired just thinking about it,” plan to leave work a bit earlier, rest before the event, enjoy the conversations until 9 PM, and then go home to relax on the couch with a great novel.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack also shares a unique approach to hosting her workshops. She calmly prepares in the training room, reviews her notes, and doesn’t rush to greet early arrivals. She conserves her energy to give her best during the session. She waits to be introduced, then starts with enthusiasm and a big smile. Participants leave her seminars feeling delighted.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack suggests a helpful exercise: recall a past networking event that you considered negative and change your self-talk to be more positive.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are three tips to guide you through this process:<\/span><\/p>\n This shift in mentality can help you build confidence and celebrate your progress step by step.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are three new rules to make networking easier, replacing old beliefs:<\/span><\/p>\n Remember, for introverts, quality matters more than quantity. They give their all, and trying to pursue too many goals or relationships simultaneously can be overwhelming. Instead, they benefit from taking their time and building meaningful connections.<\/span><\/p>\n Even if you’ve just discovered that you, as an introvert, have some great networking skills, you might still need a little push to get started.<\/span><\/p>\n Let’s face it, mingling with a crowd and indulging in small talk over appetizers might not come naturally to you. It’s a bit like going to the gym \u2013 you might not feel like it at first, but after putting in the effort, you’ll feel good about it. This is especially true if you follow the new rules tailored to your introverted style.<\/span><\/p>\n This part of the book is interesting because Devora provides practical advice to help you prepare for various networking situations effectively.<\/span><\/p>\n By following these guidelines, you can network comfortably while respecting your own pace and boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cExtroverts dazzle with light banter, introverts dazzle with thoughtful follow-up.\u201d.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Don\u2019t hesitate to send an e-mail or a written letter within 48 hours after the event to the people with whom you had good contact. Remember the context of your exchange and send, for example, an article or information germane to your conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n With all these tips, you can easily survive at your next networking event. To test this new way of bonding and gently pushing the limits of your comfort zone, you can, for example, start by accepting the your colleagues\u2019 next invitation to go out to eat (the one you have always declined so you could rather relax at home after work ).<\/span><\/p>\n To maintain good relationships with others, we often hear the golden rule: “Treat others as you want to be treated.” However, Devora Zack suggests we adopt a new mindset, the platinum rule: “Treat others how they want to be treated.”<\/span><\/p>\n To understand this shift in perspective, consider a real-life scenario. Imagine you’ve had a tough day at work, and your extroverted colleague invites you to a lively pub for a drink, thinking they’re doing you a favor. However, all you really want is to go home, take a relaxing shower, and listen to music. You agree out of politeness, but deep down, you’re irritated.<\/span><\/p>\n Now, picture the opposite situation. After a challenging day at work, you tell your employee to go home without discussing the day’s events. You think you’re being considerate, assuming they must feel as drained as you do and need to recharge at home. However, your employee is internally disappointed because they wanted to continue the conversation with you over a drink to reflect on the day.<\/span><\/p>\n The platinum rule reminds us to consider how others want to be treated and adapt our actions accordingly, rather than assuming everyone wants the same treatment we do.<\/span><\/p>\n According to the author, the platinum rule is the most powerful concept in her seminars, leading to the most significant changes in how people behave and interact with others. It’s a rule based on genuine respect for different communication styles, and applying it requires effort but is highly rewarding.<\/span><\/p>\n To use the platinum rule effectively, you’ll need some training in recognizing the natural preferences of those you’re interacting with. This involves observing their verbal and non-verbal cues and then adjusting your communication to match their style. The challenge is to adapt your behavior to the other person’s style while conserving your energy and respecting your own personality.<\/span><\/p>\n In this part of how to network: “Networking for People Who Hate Networking,” Devora Zack offers advice to introverts on how to balance their social involvement to avoid being perceived as aloof. This advice applies not only to networking events but also to everyday life since every interaction can be seen as an opportunity to network.<\/span><\/p>\n Introverts can thrive in social situations by prioritizing well-structured activities and programs over informal gatherings. They excel when they have a clear role and a genuine interest in the topic being discussed. These activities can include courses, training programs, or conferences where they actively participate or even take on a specific role.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora herself found an unexpected fit for her introverted nature as the official DJ for campus parties. Surprisingly, this role aligned perfectly with her personality: she had a defined mission, specific interactions with students (playing requested music), and could enjoy social events without the pressure of engaging in numerous exhausting conversations. Plus, she brought joy to others in the process!<\/span><\/p>\n If you’re an introvert, consider finding activities that suit your networking style. Introverts tend to need time for reflection and processing. When someone asks for your participation, it’s okay to refrain from an immediate “no.” Instead, express your need to think about it or request more details in writing, and always take your time to respond.<\/span><\/p>\n Introverts thrive in peaceful and quiet environments where they can connect with like-minded individuals who share their interests, such as libraries or structured settings.<\/span><\/p>\n While you may not have the extrovert’s gift of eloquence, you excel in performing small acts of kindness, like helping with setup, distributing materials, or sharing useful information. Engaging others by asking questions allows you to make a meaningful impact in your unique way, all without depleting your valuable energy.<\/span><\/p>\n Devora Zack shares her expertise on what introverts should focus on during their job search:<\/span><\/p>\n Pay attention to your appearance: Introverts tend to focus on their inner world and may overlook their outward appearance. A simple and effective technique to create a positive image is to smile\u2014it’s sure to leave a good impression.<\/span><\/p>\n Make a strong first impression: Remember that it takes more than eight encounters to erase a negative first impression. To make a positive impact, do what introverts excel at\u2014reflect and prepare before interviews.<\/span><\/p>\n Build your networks: In both real life and online, prioritize building high-quality connections that align with your personal style.<\/span><\/p>\n Perfect your “elevator pitch”: Imagine you meet a highly influential person in an elevator, and they ask you to introduce yourself in just 30 seconds. It’s essential to prepare for such opportunities as they can arise unexpectedly.<\/span><\/p>\n Manage your energy and set limits: Organize your schedule to include time for recharging, networking, and interviews, ensuring you maintain a healthy balance throughout your job search.<\/span><\/p>\n You never know who you might meet while traveling. Devora Zack once unintentionally overlooked the dean of the college where she was interviewing for a job. He was seated right next to her during the flight to the interview location. Business trips, whether by train or plane, can lead to unexpected and enjoyable encounters.<\/span><\/p>\nSummary of\u00a0 How to network: \u201cNetworking for People Who Hate Networking\u201d<\/b><\/h2>\n
The book How to network; “Networking for People Who Hate Networking” is a great help for those who describe themselves as “shy” or avoid social gatherings.<\/b><\/h4>\n
Chapter 1: Welcome<\/b><\/h3>\n
Chapter 2: How to network: Self-Assessment<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nThe main aim is to understand our differences and find ways to interact better and work together effectively.<\/b><\/h4>\n
Chapter 3: Eliminating Stereotypes<\/b><\/h3>\n
1- Crash Course in Introverts<\/b><\/h4>\n
2- Crash Course in Extroverts<\/b><\/h4>\n
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<\/p>\nChapter 4: How to network: Why Do We Hate Networking?<\/b><\/h3>\n
1- Reframing<\/b><\/h4>\n
2- Take Action: Self-image and Networking<\/b><\/h4>\n
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<\/p>\nChapter 5: How to network: New Rules that Work to Grow Your Network<\/b><\/h3>\n
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Chapter 6: Networking Activity Survival Kit<\/b><\/h3>\n
Pause and Reflect: Take a moment to think about the event.<\/b><\/h4>\n
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Process<\/b><\/h4>\n
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Take It Slow: Don’t rush; follow your own rhythm<\/b><\/h4>\n
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<\/p>\nHere’s a key strength introverts possess for successful networking:<\/b><\/h4>\n
Chapter 7: Farewell Golden Rule<\/b><\/h3>\n
In both situations, people are projecting their own preferences onto their interactions with others. This highlights that the golden rule, treating others as you want to be treated, doesn’t always work.<\/b><\/h4>\n
Chapter 8: How to network: Networking Without a Safety Net<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nYou too, think about the type of activity that might be suitable for you in order to do more networking.<\/b><\/h4>\n
Chapter 9: Searching for a Job<\/b><\/h3>\n
Chapter 10: Business Travel<\/b><\/h3>\n